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I had to leave work for an hour just a little while ago. I had to leave work to buy ibuprofen to give to Charlie at daycare. Why does Charlie need anti-inflammatories at lunchtime? Because this morning I pinched his fingers in the car door. The tips of his fingers, between the metal of the frame and the door as I was  OPENING the back seat door. The worst part of all was his face. His eyebrows shot up, we both looked at his fingers and I closed the door quickly, but it was too late “Maaamaaaaaaa” he shrieked. As if I could fix this. Horrible me, who did it in the first place.

He has never cried so hard and I don´t remember the last time I felt so awful. Maybe never. Ever. He sobbed my name on the way to the bakery, in the bakery, didn´t want his croissant and kept crying up to and in the door of his daycare/school. When I went back to give medicine he seemed to be in OK spirits but he anxiously asked me if we were going home. “No, buddy” I replied with a big fake smile “You are going to have some yummy lunch with your friends and I have to go back to the office.” If only I was taking you home, so we could cuddle up until your finger doesn´t hurt or I stop feeling like an awful mom, hopefully in that order.

Nothing is broken, one tip is a little swollen and bruised under the nail and after school maybe we´ll go see the Dr. especially if he is still not using it. I went to administer the ibuprofen because the day care cannot and it was the Dr.´s recommendation that he be given some after I called him to confess and consult. So he will be fine. and so will I. I just feel like such a jerk, what a stupid, horrible mistake to make.

Oh and the crazy baby in my stomach keeps turning around. 8 months and it´s flipping all over the place in there. This morning my husband says “Wow, I had fun watching the baby move around inside you last night. I could really feel it and imagine what it must feel like to you” (yeah, no you can´t, but that´s OK, misplaced empathy appreciated). “One time it kicked you so hard your whole body jerked” really? Dear God! I was asleep the whole time, glad they got a chance to bond though, right? (weak smile)